Emotional Balance 1

Emotional maturity and emotional health are not your everyday school subjects, but they are vital for personal well-being and the health of our communities, not to mention world peace! Of the four elements, our emotions relate to water. Like the sea, they build and peak like waves and the tides. Our negative emotions are not easy to deal with once they have built up.

Positive emotions are essential in being who we really are:

Wonderful spiritual beings full of vitality, passion and enthusiasm!

If you don’t always feel that way, you’re definitely not alone. It’s partly because much of society has been conditioned to think that we are merely advanced animals who have evolved to the top of the food chain. No wonder the world is plagued with wars and violence. The solution is not to suppress or deny our negative thoughts and emotions, but to heal and transform them, for they are dis-eased. And if left long enough, they will manifest as disease in our physical body. (For more on this, see the page Balancing Our 4 Bodies.) Rather, we work on transforming them back into the wonderful whole being who we really are, as discussed on the Spiritual Balance page. For more on emotional balance, see the sections below. Hopefully they will help you to use your emotions more intelligently. Emotional intelligence is a vital subject for us all.


Content on this page:


Content on the next page: Emotional Balance 2

  • The balance between expressing our feelings and not condemning people.
  • The balance between being assertive and staying harmonious.
  • References for emotional work and personal psychology.

The Nature of Emotional Waves.


Our emotions build and peak like the waves. It is usually our belief systems or thoughts that spark off an emotion. For example, someone at work does something that we asked them not to do. Our first reaction is usually to get upset, thinking that they are deliberately ignoring us or challenging our authority. But until we know all the facts, that it just a mental assumption. If we resolve the situation quickly, our emotions will not get out of hand. But when we harbour sustained criticism or resentment against people over a long time, then the amount of energy built up in this tide of emotion often becomes too much for us to turn back mentally. This is when we lose control and do things despite our better judgement, feeling we cannot stop ourselves. This tide of emotion can be from anything, including anger, resentment, sexual attraction or desire for comfort foods!


The key is to resolve the issue early before the tide builds. And resolve does not mean ignore or suppress. This often needs training and self-development. The educational systems of many cultures, including in North America, have concentrated on academic development with little instruction on emotional maturity. Women are better at it than men. Books like ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’ by John Gray help illustrate how emotionally illiterate many men are. And many do not care, either. Unfortunately “emotional” has come to have a mainly negative connotation i.e. over-reacting. But our emotions (and emotional body) are a great source of creative energy that enriches life immeasurably, especially when we are in balance. There are many resources for emotional training and self-development, including The Institute of HeartMath. If you do find yourself getting emotionally upset, a few tips to help get back into balance can be found in the next section.


A calming exercise.


If you find yourself getting emotionally upset with someone else, here are a few tips to help you get back into balance: Take a short time out, even five minutes. Breathe deeply. Centre in your heart (i.e. draw all your mental and emotional energy from your extremities into your heart area.) Get back to the basics of who you are. You are a valuable, precious soul who is kind at heart, even though you’re not perfect. Neither is the other person involved perfect. And they too have valuable qualities, though probably not very visible now. But first concentrate on your own. Try to establish an inner dialogue, either with God, your Real Self or inner child etc. Feel yourself rising above the situation and observing it from above. Consider some of the following: You are not responsible for their feelings, nor are they for yours. There are always two sides to a situation, and you probably both have incomplete information.


These things are sent to try us. In the big sceme of things, it is not so important what happnes to us, but how we react to what happens to us. Don’t ‘re-act’ but act with wisdom and compassion from your Real Self. Be open to learn from this situation. If you want inner peace, then it is more important to remain harmonious than to strive to win at any cost. If the other person proves to be wrong, they will probably feel worse about it and learn more from the situation if you come across as compassionate and understanding than if you are aggressive and put them on the defensive. If the other person proves later to be right, learn to put your pride in your pocket and to be able to laugh at yourself. If you feel like it, call to God or your Real Self to help both of you resolve this situation in a win/win way that all may benefit. Now get ready to go back and resolve the issue. If you believe in the angels, you can call to Archangel Michael, the archangel of protection, to protect you and the divine plan to manifest for this situation. You can also pray that only the Real Self of you and the other person prevail throughout this situation. Approach them with respect towards their Real Self (God in them), but not being prepared to tolerate any abuse from their lower self. Now go and give it your best shot, and trust God to take care of the rest.

Life Is a Gradual Uphill Dance!


Life is not a competition or a fight for the survival of the fittest. It is not a struggle.

Life is a dance!

It is like a wonderful dance school where we are constantly faced with opportunities, sometimes seen as problems or challenges, which are our ever-changing dance partners. [Ballroom dancing is the best kind for this analogy, and a wonderful art to learn. : ) ] It is these challenges with which we dance, which may involve a person, an illness or some knotty problem. And these opportunities are not always “bad”, but good opportunities to unfold our inner talents and become more balanced. The music for the dance is something that we make ourselves. It is the song that fills our heart at any one time. When that song is made with love, enthusiasm and sincerity, we learn how to move our feet in harmony with the challenge. We learn the lesson and move on to the next partner. This next challenge or step is slightly more difficult, on a higher level, and so our dance is on a gradual uphill, unto new heights of achievement and self-fulfillment.


Uphill may not seem like an inviting idea, and some might say that if we just take life easy, then all will be well. It’s very tempting to believe this, but it all depends on what self-imposed limitations we need to overcome in order to become the wonderful spiritual being that we really are. In practice we will most likely find that at times this process needs much effort and persistence and maybe even the inner groaning of the soul in this labour of love. If the music in our heart be not of love but of jealousy, revenge or condemnation, we keep struggling with that challenge, pushing or pulling, stepping on each others toes until we learn harmony. This often requires sacrifice of our stubborn ambitions or addictions. Less obvious addictions like criticism (of ourselves or others), pride or resentment can be far worse than the obvious ones like smoking. You may try to avoid the challenge by changing jobs or friends, but that same dance partner (challenge) will stay in front of you regardless, until you change your attitude and thus your song and your step. Overcoming habits like condemnation of ourselves and of others needs a healthy sense of self-worth, and knowing who and what we really are. (More on this, go to the Spiritual Balance page.)


When we make these changes for the better, we’ll have more self-confidence and humility for the next time when someone puts us down or does something selfish or unkind to us. Instead of reacting and dancing with an angry forward step into our partner, we’ll make a compassionate side-step (or quick-step) to help them express what it is that’s really burdening them. We’ll often find that we are not their real problem. They may be frustrated from fighting instead of dancing with their own challenge, and we just happen to be the target of their expressed frustration at this time.


There is also the possibility that their frustration is due to our own error or step out of sync with the music. Then we must learn the humility to self-adjust and improve our dance, without condemning ourselves or feeling guilty. We all make mistakes and step on our partner’s toes at times. Dancing does not mean that we always side-step issues. If it’s appropriate for us to take a firm stand and be assertive, then we take the necessary forward step. But we remain sensitive to our partner and in harmony with them. This may require that we pause before we change direction, to keep in step with them and with the music (and to remain at peace and centred in our heart). This helps us to have compassion for the person involved by using tact and not being aggressive by standing on their toe. And thus we advance up the gradual hill, waltzing into the sunset of our dance school as students worthy of graduating in this life!


Link to next page, Emotional Balance – 2