These are questions that may arise from the “In essence” statements on the home page. Here are the statements repeated:
- Sexual intercourse between a married couple who love each other is sacred and wonderful, and not the cause for guilt whatsoever.
- If you do not have a high sex drive, you are not abnormal. It may be a blessing in disguise, depending on your circumstance.
These two statements beg several “Yes, but what if …” questions:
- What if we’re not married?
- Unnecessary guilt.
- Celibacy: The higher way at a lower price.
- What if my sex drive is high?
- If you’re happpy.
- A partner with a low sex drive.
- Waiting for a partner.
- If it’s higher than you desire.
- What about masturbation?
- What if my sex drive is low?
- Finding the right partner.
- Intimacy without sex.
- Advantages of (periods of) celibacy.
- What is “normal” and what is the ideal?
- What if I’m LGBTQ+?
What if we’re not married?
If you’re a couple that’s not married but want children, then here are some thoughts on marriage. Marriage has some really great advantages, especially for the precious child you want to bring into this world. Secondly, marriage is a sacred ritual and a great help in preparing for the marriage of your soul to God, which is the spiritual destiny of us all. If you’d like more information on this subject, e-mail us, as it’s a subject on it’s own.
If you don’t want a child, then it would be good to clarify what exactly you want to get out of sex. As mentioned in the section on this subject on the Key Issues page, this is not a simple issue. To say that it’s just one of the necessary ingredients in life, like vitamins and minerals, is not accurate. What IS necessary is love, and sex is a very powerful and wonderful way to express and to share love. But true love is love for the soul or person inside the body, not love for the sexual act itself. Sex is not the only way to express your deepest love for someone. Each relationship is different, and it may become apparent that the more you love the soul behind the body, the better it would be to wait until you are married before starting a full sexual relationship.
It has become very acceptable today for people to have sex outside of marriage. Often our youth are encouraged more to use contraceptives than to use the ultimate oral contraceptive of saying “No thanks.” If you’re a teenager, don’t give in to peer pressure to lose your virginity for the sake of popularity, self-worth, the fear of being made fun of or whatever. You are already extremely worthy, and you have a unique and vital mission to fulfill in this life. This world is in a mess in many areas, and if your mission is not clear to you now, it will become so in time. Getting into sex now can really screw things up for you.
As for sex being vital to healthy living, the fact is that many wonderful and healthy people, some who have left inspiring legacies behind them, have followed celibate or partly celibate lifestyles. However, celibacy in itself in no indication that someone is healthy or spiritual. Some follow it purely out of fear, which is very UNhealthy. But if you follow it through self-control out of love for doing what is best for you and others, it can be a great blessing. This might well be balanced with periods of sex, depending largely on the needs and sexual compatibility of your partner. This website is not about telling people how to run their lives, but to help you see both sides of the story.
If you are not married and having sex, and feel at all guilty about it, don’t. That is not to say that the sex is okay. But guilt is an inappropriate response, no matter what you are doing. A mark of maturity is to take full responsibility for your actions. Be prepared to be fully responsible for your actions. If you make a mistake or unnecessarily hurt or burden someone else, be prepared to make amends. If conception results, you may choose to make amends by doing what it takes to bring forth and support that precious child, as opposed to aborting it, and supporting and hopefully marrying the person you have it with. Adoption is another viable alternative. (For more on the abortion/pro-choice subject, see the poem “Timing Needed for Pro-Choice” on the Abortion Debate page. There are also many other resources, like the book Wanting to be Born compiled by Dr. Neroli Duffy – 2002 The Summit Lighthouse Library. See www.summitlighthouse.org)
Besides conceiving a child, there are other risks of having sex outside of marriage. Besides the possibility of contacting AIDS or other diseases, there is the spending of your Life Force. This is covered in the paragraph “Diverting your vitality.” under the section What is the nature of sexual desire? on the Key Issues page. If you do not act responsibly in the area of self-control, then like any other area, what goes around, comes around. The laws of the universe have a way of bringing circumstances back to our doorstep down the road, with accumulated interest, that make us face what we have set in motion. Thus there is a price we pay for everything.
To wrap up on the subject of guilt, if you still can’t stop feeling it, it’s probably your conscience and soul telling you that this is not right for you to be doing. This is quite likely, because having sex outside of marriage is usually the alternate option to exercising self-control over your energies, which is the higher way. Gandhi had this to say about accountability and self-control:
“It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one’s acts. It is good for a person who overeats to have an ache and a fast. It is bad for him to indulge his appetite and then escape the consequences by taking tonics or other medicine. It is still worse for a person to indulge in his animal passions and escape the consequences of his acts. Nature is relentless and will have full revenge for any such violation of her laws. Moral results can only be produced by moral restraints. All other restraints defeat the very purpose for which they are intended.” (1)
Celibacy: The higher way at a lower price.
The other alternative to having sex outside of marriage is celibacy. This may sound impractical and even tortuous to you, but it can be the open door to a whole new level of being and quality of relationship. It doesn’t mean the end of relationships, depending on your definition of celibacy. In the East it is known as Brahmacharya, which is defined as: Celibacy; a life of self-discipline and continence dedicated to higher pursuits. In the strictest sense, it means complete sexual abstinence, which may include no contact with the opposite sex. The broadest sense is just no sexual intercourse. So everything else goes, including stimulating sexual organs and masturbation. But this is following more the letter than the spirit of the law. In general it is abstaining from sexual indulgence. This would exclude thinking about, dwelling on or partaking in sexual intercourse and stimulating the sexual organs of oneself or another. (See also “Advantages of (periods of) celibacy” below.)
If you desire physical intimacy without sex, it can make it easier for you and your partner if you draw a definite line for each of you. For example, not taking off any clothes, or not going below the belt. So you know you can kiss and cuddle and caress as much as you want up to that point, and further isn’t even an option.
Without sex you can still have a wonderful, fun-filled friendship relationship with someone, providing they are committed to the same level of celibacy. Such a relationship is without the distraction of always thinking about the sex that would possibly come at the end of each time together. You’re probably familiar with the situation of being out together, but instead of really appreciating the wonder of the moment, half your mind is wondering who’s place you’re going to end up at, and how it will turn out. Or maybe you just couldn’t wait to get back to the bedroom, but felt you had to go through the formality of going for a walk in the woods first. Without lust dragging you down, your experience with the opposite sex can bloom. But the key is your attitude and motive. If your main intent is to love God in all of his manifestations, including in the precious character traits of your partner, then you have a much better chance of doing what is best for both of you in the long term. And that is seldom trying to get them into bed as soon as possible.
What if my sex drive is high?
A high sex drive is neither good nor bad. It matters mainly how you deal with it. Like everything in this life, it matters not so much what happens to you but how you react to it that counts most. Whatever you believe, the aim of this page is to help you get into balance if you feel you need it, or to help you deal with a partner that is quite different to you.
If you’re happy.
If you are happy with your high sex drive and have a partner who is the same, then you are fortunate in being compatible. However, frequent regular sex has its drawbacks, as covered in “The nature of sexual desire” above and “Advantages of (periods of) celibacy” below. If you are serious about being the best you can be in this life, it would be worthwhile reading up on this. The ideal for peak spiritual and general performance to help attain your goals in life is to have sex no more that twice a week. But it all depends on what your priorities are in life.
A partner with a low sex drive.
If you have a partner with a low sex drive, then you need to be careful how you handle them. If they are aware of the advantages of a low sex drive, and you pressure or try to convince them to have more regular sex, you might lose them. So do some soul-searching on what is most important to you. Reading the first two topics on this page, if you haven’t already done so, may help. If you are really committed to doing what is best for both of you, be prepared to talk openly about this issue, and be prepared to strike a compromise. This will require you to transform some of your sexual energy into other constructive avenues, covered under Transformation Exercises below.
Waiting for a partner.
If you are happy with your high sex drive, but are seeking ways to better deal with that energy until you find the right partner, then some of the Transformation Exercises below can help. The key is not to waste your precious vitality in frustration. This can either be searching around for a partner in a “needy” way, which is a big put-off, or through sexual self-indulgence. As mentioned in the next section under “Finding the right partner”, you first have to create the needed vacuum by not clutching onto a heavy compromise in the meantime. Rather, your time and energy can be put to great creative advantage by redirecting your sex drive.
“The energy created by sexual restraint is the motive power which makes it possible for us to conceive desirable ends, and to think out the means for realizing them.” – Aldous Huxley.
If it’s higher than you desire.
For a start, don’t feel bad or guilty if you experience a strong desire for sex. It happens at times to everyone, and is just part of living life in a physical body. All the great role models and even the saints from East and West experienced the same at times. I’m sure Mother Theresa, especially in her earlier years, was not immune to it. Ramakrishna, who many regard as being an incarnate avatar in the 19th century, displayed great self-mastery, even though he was married. He said that the desire for sex or lust comes to all of us, but that we shouldn’t look down on it or fear it. Just accept it as something that comes every so often, and surrender it. Too much worry or rejection gives energy to it. Although lust comes to all, the big difference is that these great souls didn’t indulge it but transformed it. This subject is covered in detail in the section The Nature of Sexual Desire above. You may argue that these people were in a different league to us and “exceptions to the rule”. But they are not. They are just good reminders of what all can do. This does not mean that we are all expected to suddenly be like the saints and change overnight, but to work towards the ideal. More on this in the section “What is “normal” and what is the ideal?”
If your sex drive is a burden or distraction, the Transformation Exercises section will give you some ideas. But be patient and kind to yourself. Most modern cultures have literally ingrained lust into our subconscious, so it takes time to change. The mental decision to do so can be quick, but we also need to take our soul and emotions along too. This is more difficult for men, who often deny the need for our soul and emotions to go through the necessary transformation and/or healing processes. As mentioned earlier, excessive sexual indulgence, including masturbation, can actually be a subconscious way of drowning out the still, small voice of your soul, which is quite closely tied to our emotions. In any case, lust can be very difficult to overcome, and that energy can even be vicious, as discussed in the section “Negative and positive desires” above. It is therefore necessary to tackle this problem from as many sides at once as possible.
What about masturbation?
Masturbation is widely accepted and even taught in many places as a healthy release of excess sexual energy. There are definitely much worse ways to release energy, some of which bring great harm to others like sexual abuse and rape. The way in which people approach masturbation also differs. Some believe that if you do it gently with the intent to be loving to yourself and your body, when all other attempts at relieving that energy have failed, it is better than the blatant, aggressive indulgence of lust. That may be true, but even so, it is still diverting the Kundalini into the lower energy centres as opposed to raising it up the spine and transforming it into creative vitality. The Transformation Exercises section will give you many keys on how to do this. If it has become addictive, then like any other addiction, it may be linked to discarnate entities, as mentioned on the Spiritual Balance page, and stopping it will require great effort and determination. But you can do it. Also, don’t condemn yourself for the past. We are our own worst enemies, and guilt and self-condemnation are self-destructive. If you have a problem with self-condemnation, there are some keys in the section “The balance between self-worth and humility” also on the Spiritual Balance page.
What if my sex drive is low?
A couple came into a marriage counsellor’s office. The counsellor asked, “What seems to be the problem?” The wife began talking, describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. The wife sat there speechless as he looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief. The counsellor said to him, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!” The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Mondays and Thursdays.”
If your sex drive is low, but you want it to be high, then you can seek holistic medical help. (You may find the Holistic Healing section helpful, on the page Balancing Our 4 “Bodies”.) But before you spend too much energy in that direction, read on further. A low sex drive may be a blessing in disguise, depending on your circumstance. As discussed in the section “What is the nature of sexual desire?” under the paragraph Diverting Your Vitality, there is a price you pay for high sexual activity, whether you are married or not. If your preference is a loving intimate relationship with only occasional, spontaneous sex, but your partner prefers regular, frequent sex, it is not realistic or fair to expect them to quickly change to your ways.
Finding the right partner.
If they are not willing to see your point of view, consider how well matched you are. If they are holding you back from being who you really want to be, then they may not be the best person for you. (So this is an important issue to discuss before marriage!) And beware of getting cynical and thinking that you’ll never find the ideal partner. The cosmic law of “like attracts like” never fails, and the right person (even though not necessarily your concept of the “perfect” person), will be magnetised into your life. But first you have to create the needed vacuum by not clutching onto a heavy compromise in the meantime. This may require faith and patience, but it will not be that difficult if your heart is right with God and you have a healthy attitude and sense of self-worth. (See “The balance between self-worth and humility” on the Spiritual Balance page.) You can get a good balance on the subject of finding the right person between the two books Soul Mates and Twin Flames and How to Stop Looking for Someone Perfect and find Someone to Love (2).
If your partner is worth keeping, but has a higher sex drive than you, it may still be possible to work an acceptable compromise. But it is vital that you both agree on your different needs, and that you both commit to helping the other through a fair and loving compromise. You can help bring your partner to orgasm without sexual intercourse. This does not refer to oral sex, which is not recommended. Oral sex has serious spiritual repercussions akin with other sexual perversions, that we won’t go into here. You can stimulate your partner to orgasm simply with your hands, with great love and tenderness. It can take longer, but then again, what’s the hurry? This is a lesson more difficult for men to learn. That being said, the “big O” is not the “be all and end all” of sex. It is the time when the most vitality is spent. You can actually experience profound joy, intimacy and sometimes emotional healing just by kissing and caressing. This is often what men don’t do enough of, and what women miss most in a relationship.
Intimacy without sex.
If your partner is higher-sexed than you, don’t fear losing them just because you do not desire frequent sex. If they understand where you’re coming from and have agreed to not having sex every time, they will often be more relaxed and receptive to your passionate kissing and caressing. All that you really need from each other is deep, sincere love. And it can often be experienced better without intercourse or an orgasm. This may be hard for some to believe, but it is tried and true, and is the personal experience of many. However, it does require self-control and discipline.
Sometimes the tendency during such an intimate session is to get carried away with enjoying the sexual sensation and start forgetting about the wonderful soul who you are with. If you believe yourself to be a spiritual being clothed with a physical body, then this tendency moves us into our lower animal nature. As mentioned earlier: Remember, you are not your body. It is the instrument whereby we express ourselves, including our love towards the precious soul behind the other body.
On the subject of sexual desire in relationships, this is what Gandhi had to say:
“I know from my own experience, that as long as I looked upon my wife carnally, we had no real understanding. Our love did not reach a high plane. There was affection between us always, but we came closer and closer the more we, or rather I, became restrained. … All the time I wanted carnal pleasure I could not serve her. The moment I bade goodbye to a life of carnal pleasure, our whole relationship became more spiritual. Lust died and love reigned instead.” (3)
The bottom line is that a low sex drive is not abnormal, even though much of our modern consumer-orientated society would like to convince us otherwise. What should be “normal” in a civilized society is self-control, which is self-mastery. This means that we have control of our lives without being a victim of our unwanted desires or appetites. When you understand the advantages of celibacy, a low sex drive can be a great blessing. As long as it is not low due to a high sex drive being suppressed or denied. Self-mastery is transforming it, not suppressing it, as described above.
Advantages of (periods of) celibacy.
If you are married, it doesn’t mean that you are obliged to always have regular frequent sex. As mentioned at the end of the section “What is the nature of sexual desire?” above, there is a price you pay for everything. That is not to say that sex is bad. As mentioned before, it is sacred and beautiful. But regular frequent sex also uses up your vitality and “sacred fire”. It is obviously something you need to discuss with your partner, whether you’re married or not. But if you are both serious about doing what is best for you in the long run, you will find that agreeing on having periods of celibacy can greatly benefit you both. Besides some of the benefits covered below, it will give you valuable practice in self-mastery, and greatly enhance your future times of intimacy.
Here are some of the advantages:
- Reduction in STD’s. An obvious advantage is the reduction of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s), especially among unmarried couples.
- Healthy immune system. “Continence would be of the greatest help in humanity’s struggle against illness, because in the continent person the undiminished internal secretions of the sex glands are better able to fulfill their task of keeping the system immune to infections.” – G.S. Hall, Adolescence.
- Vitality and longevity. In addition to the points made in “Diverting your vitality” above, conserving your semen and/or other body fluids has big advantages. Swami Bhaktipada, in his book The Joy of No Sex, writes: “If an oil lantern burns at full speed, it will hardly last the night. Celibacy preserves semen, the oil of life, and promiscuity wastes it. Frivolous use of sexual energy drains the physical and mental systems. … This is also true of a woman’s sexual energies. All art students are familiar with Michaelangelo’s “Pieta”. In that magnificent sculpture, a beautiful Virgin Mary lovingly holds the body of the crucified Christ on her lap. Once, a friend of Michaelangelo complained, “The Virgin looks like a young girl, not like Christ’s mother.” “You must be unaware of the benefits of celibacy,” the sculptor replied. It’s a fact. Sex ages a person.” (4) Dhanvantari, the father of the Ayurvedic system of medicine, wrote: “The secret of health lies in the preservation of virya [seminal fluid], which is the essence of the Atman [Self] itself. He who wastes virya cannot enjoy physical, mental, moral, or spiritual well-being.” (Harivamsa) Dhanvantari further explained that when the virya is lost, the prana [life force in air] is agitated, and one becomes nervous. The mind is then agitated, and when the mind is disturbed, the whole system suffers. This also saps your vitality, as mentioned in “Diverting your vitality” above.
- Better sports performance. Top sports performers know that sex the day before an event can deprive them of peak performance. (In his Exhortation to Chastity, Tertullian pointed out that if an athlete is willing to practice celibacy for the sake of a game, how much more should we be willing to be celibate for spiritual purposes.)
- Self-worth. When you overcome old habits of sexual perversions or over-indulgence through celibacy, your sense of self-worth greatly increases.
- Spiritual fulfilment. Death eventually comes to the physical body for all of us, but we are not really our bodies but spiritual beings. Earth is a schoolroom for our souls to learn and grow. How well we do depends on how we choose to use our energy through our seven energy centres (or chakras). As mentioned previously, these centres are nourished by our sacred fire energy called the Kundalini, which gets depleted through excessive sexual indulgence. In their book Your Seven Energy Centers, Prophet and Spadaro say: “When we conserve the energy (the Kundalini) that resides at the base-of-the-spine chakra, it naturally rises to nourish our other centers, activating new levels of spiritual awareness within us. If we dissipate or block it from rising, two things can happen. First, we reduce the amount of energy available to rise through the other chakras, and thus the latent power of those chakras remains untapped. Second, if our focus remains merely on the physical and goes no higher, energy can build up at the level of the base chakra. When too much energy collects at the base, it demands an outlet. In some individuals this has resulted in rampages of anger, physical abuse or the misuse of sexual energy. … We can create an imbalance in our base chakra if we have an inordinate focus on sexual activity or an inordinate fear of sexuality. … Sex is a sacred energy exchange (s-e-x). Sacred sexuality can be an intimate experience with God and with the divine energy residing within us and within our partner.” (5)
- Spiritual ascension. Of prime importance is the inner teaching that the goal of life is the permanent reunion of our soul with God (the alchemical marriage or ascension). This requires that our soul (the feminine polarity of our masculine Spirit, in men and women) become the bride of Christ. This is achieved by building a spiritual forcefield in the aura called by some the deathless solar body, and referred to by Jesus as the wedding garment(Mat 22:11). The sacred fire or Kundalini is the energy source for weaving that “garment”. The more of the sacred fire we use in excessive sex (even between a married couple), the less there is for the weaving. It is what Jesus referred to in his parable of the ten virgins who waited for the bridegroom. Five had oil (sacred fire) in their lamps and met him. The other five ran out of oil and missed him, and the wedding. (Mat 25:1-13) Therefore periods of celibacy, even among married couples, can be of great spiritual benefit.
What is “normal” and what is the ideal?
Although openness and non-suppression today is better than the rigid fear-based conservatism of the chastity belt era, todays AIDS, STDs and other social problems like unwanted teenage pregnancies are definitely not the ideal. So what is the ideal? This is largely a personal opinion, but according to some, we are operating and living way below the level we could be.
One part of the book A Dweller On Two Planets by Phylos the Thibetan (Garber Communications, Blauvelt, N.Y., 1991) describes how life was in the ancient land of Suern, in the time of Atlantis. Through certain disciplines, continence and self-control, the people were able to precipitate their food out of “thin air”. But most of them disliked the “inconvenience” of the disciplines. Those who were dedicated to them and progressed further gained great spiritual attainment and powers, and used them to the glory of God. They were called the Sons of the Solitude (a generic name for the sons and daughters of the Solitude). One of them, the Rai Ernon, the ruler of Suern, walked out empty handed to an advancing army that was intent in conquering his nation. He warned them several times, then conquered them with a prayer and a swipe of his hand.
The first half of the book describes the life of the main character, Zailm, on Atlantis. The second half describes him reincarnated in the United States in the mid-nineteenth century as Walter Pierson. He was not one of the Sons of the Solitude, but was aspiring to be one. At one point he gets taken in his spiritual body to the planet Venus, where a magnificent, virtually ideal civilisation lives. It is a very inspiring book, with great spiritual depth. It is amazing how far below our true potential we are operating at on earth today. What we call “normal”, constantly pursuing the satisfaction of our carnal appetites, is totally abnormal and self-limiting when looked at from a different perspective. Another great source of inspiration is the section The Ideal Society in chapter 3 of the book Climb the Highest Mountain by Mark and Elizabeth Prophet (Summit University Press). It describes how life was on earth with the first 3 “root races”, which were “golden ages”. The fall of Adam and Eve only occurred during the fourth root race.
Ideal and Obtainable.
Redirecting the sacred fire into creative activities instead of indulgent ones is much easier if we are taught it from a young age. It is the role of parents, not school teachers, to teach “sex education”. Most of our youth today are taught indulgence, to just use contraceptives to make it “safe”, then it’s okay. Self-control seems to be portrayed as an unrealistic, unobtainable goal, which is totally false and lowers society to the standard of the lowest common denominator. Gandhi once said: “I want to revert to the subject of birth control by contraceptives. It is dinned into one’s ears that the gratification of the sex urge is a solemn obligation …. I venture to suggest that this is a most dangerous doctrine to preach anywhere; …. If satisfaction of the sex urge is a duty, the unnatural vice and several other ways of gratification would be commendable. The reader should know that even persons of note have been known to approve of what is commonly known as sexual perversion.” (Page 104, All Men Are Brothers by Mahatma Gandhi, Continuum, New York, 1987). We have been conditioned by this contraceptive doctrine to become slaves to our sensual appetites, which is discussed in depth in the section “What is the Nature of Sexual Desire?”
The only way to raise our social and moral standards is to teach the truth that self-control is not only possible but greatly rewarding. Some say it is only for monks and nuns, and that it is easier for them, as they are shielded from many temptations. This view assumes that self-control is based on suppression of sexual energy, which it is not. It is not achieved by avoiding contact with the opposite sex, but by training yourself to see them for what they really are. They are not an object for lust but a great immortal soul housed in a dense and often limiting physical body. Normally most of their talent and potential is not immediately evident, but on an inner spiritual level they are a magnificent being, as you are. We should therefore approach them with great respect and appreciation, plus compassion for all their burdens and scars they might have picked up along life’s way. Then our main desire when being with them will be to experience more of God. This includes finding out and acknowledging their gifts, and learning from them. It includes loving their soul, not just their body. This can be done many ways, including deep non-judgemental listening, encouragement and support. The best way to love them will come naturally when our intent is not to see what we can get from the relationship, but what we can give. If this is what our children get taught, many of our social problems will fade away. This is the ideal, which hopefully will one day be the norm. But it is definitely obtainable.
Good role models are sorely lacking today. And old role models are either not that popular, considered outdated or seen as the exception to the rule. But they are not exceptions. The main purpose of most of them was to show us a higher way, which with practice can become “normal”. These are obtainable goals. Jesus did not avoid contact with the opposite sex but saw them for who they really were. And he said: “The things I have done shall ye do also, and greater things than these shall ye do …” There are countless other good role models, whose examples were not only for their own time but for eternity. Even in this century, Gandhi said: “It is wrong to call me an ascetic. The ideals that regulate my life are presented for acceptance by mankind in general. I have arrived at them by gradual evolution.” (Page 105, All Men Are Brothers.) Remember that Gandhi was not a monk but a married man. The concept of evolution is also important. If children are taught self-control from the start, they will not need such a strong will like Gandhi, but grow into it more naturally.
The bottom line is this: Whatever we set our minds to, we can become, especially when others have done it before. The ideal today can become what will be called normal in the future. Many souls are catching on and realising that integrity, self-control and mutual respect is the way of the future for healthy relationships and a healthy society. It just needs each of us to take responsibility and start the change ourselves, one by one.
What if I’m LGBTQ+?
As spiritual beings, we all have masculine and feminine energies within us. Many people adamantly resist this truth, especially macho men and overly-dainty women. But they often have the most problems when it comes to lasting relationships. John A. Sanford addresses our androgynous nature in his excellent book The Invisible Partners: How the Male and Female in Each of Us Affects Our Relationships. Carl Jung termed these elements the anima and animus. It’s a complex subject, but in essence, when we suppress or don’t acknowledge certain aspects of our being which are necessary in experiencing wholeness or balance (like the more feminine qualities of gentleness and compassion in a man), then our subconscious projects it onto those of the opposite sex. Sanford says: “Consequently these projected images have a magnetic effect on us, and the person who carries the projection will tend to greatly attract or repel us just as a magnet attracts or repels another metal. This leads to all kinds of complications in relationships.” (6) Jesus revealed his feminine side when he said: “…how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!” (Mat 23:37)
What happens in homosexuality is a complex subject. It seems at first to be a reversing of these dynamics, projecting the anima or animus onto the same sex. But there are many more issues involved. For instance, Dr. Marilyn Barrick Ph.D says in her book The Sacred Psychology of Love: “Sometimes we have difficulty identifying with our same sex or relating to the opposite sex out of issues of abandonment, rejection, abuse or trauma in this or past lives. Men may seek a relationship with another man to discover their manhood or to be lovingly fathered. Women may turn to one another in search of loving mothering or a gentle relationship. The bottom line is that when we live a lifestyle that overemphasizes our physical gender (by choosing sexual partners of the same sex), we end up excluding the other half of ourselves and have less of a sense of spirituality.” (7) Dr. Barrick’s book also explains the androgynous nature and mystical origin of our soul, and is a great resource for pursuing a loving relationship.
Therefore, from a spiritual perspective, homosexuality is not very conducive to balance or wholeness. It also binds us to our lower animal nature, which hinders us in becoming the magnificent being who we all are in essence, our Real Self as discussed on the Spiritual Balance page of the main Wholesome Balance website. And as discussed on the page Balancing Our 4 Bodies, whatever hinders us spiritually eventually cycles down to hinder us mentally, emotionally and physically, which cycles back to hinder us spiritually in a vicious circle. Even if the spiritual aspect is totally excluded from the equation, homosexuality still keeps people preoccupied with an almost unquenchable desire for sexual experience, with its accompanying dangers like AIDS and STDs.
The intent of this website is not to criticize nor condemn, but to help people grow, to become balanced and unfold their amazing and unlimited potential. Our Real Self is already balanced and whole. The goal of life is for our soul to learn and grow and eventually unite with that Real Self. We all have many precious talents and gifts to share with this world, regardless of our race, creed or sexual orientation. But we shall be known by the fruits of our actions. The way in which we use our sacred (including sexual) energy each day will determine our true progress. This sacred energy is discussed in the section “What is the nature of sexual desire” on the Key Issues page. If we are really serious about being who we really are and fulfilling the deep yearning of our soul and our mission in this life, then hopefully we will be prepared to go through what it takes to conserve and use our energy wisely. This may mean working on healing certain aspects of our psychology, which we all need to do at times. It includes overcoming guilt and condemnation of ourselves and others, regardless of our sexual orientation.
- Page 99, All Men Are Brothers, Mahatma Gandhi (Continuum, New York, 1987) Back to (1).
- Good books on the subject of finding the right person are Soul Mates & Twin Flames – The Spiritual Dimension of Love and Relationships by Elizabeth Clare Prophet (pocketbook series from Summit University Press) and How to Stop Looking for Someone Perfect and Find Someone to Love by Judith Sills. Back to (2)
- Page 103, All Men Are Brothers, Mahatma Gandhi (Continuum, New York, 1987). Back to (3)
- Page 10, Joy of No Sex by Kirtanananda Swami Bhaktipada (Palace Publishing, West Virginia. 1988). Back to (4).
- Page 40, Your Seven Energy Centers: A Holistic Approach to Physical Emotional and Spiritual Vitality by Elizabeth Clare Prophet and Patricia Spadaro (Summit University Press). Back to (5).
- Page 13 of The Invisible Partners: How the Male and Female in Each of Us Affects Our Relationships by John A. Sanford (Paulist Press, N.Y. 1980) Back to (6).
- Page 227 of The Sacred Psychology of Love – The Quest for Relationships That Unite Heart and Soul by Marilyn C. Barrick, Ph.D (Summit University Press. 1999). (See also www.spiritualpsychology.com) Back to (7).
A great all-round reference for sexuality is: Finding a Higher Love: A Spiritual Guide by Elizabeth Clare Prophet.