Sexual energy can be very intense, so just doing one thing to overcome or transform it will not always work. It will sometimes intensify when you are generally tired or run down, and your defences are low. In any case, if you are struggling with sexual energy, your own inner and outer strength needs a boost. This is best done on several levels at once, which will help balance all of your 4 “bodies” and increase your positive energy level (raise your vibration, as some would say). See the page Balancing Your 4 “Bodies” for more on general balance.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Before trying any of these exercises, it is vital to keep one thing in mind. These exercises, especially on the physical level, will not work if you are not really serious about transforming that sexual energy. You may have experienced at some stage in the past the desire for sex or masturbation, knowing it was not best for you at the time, but part of you still wanted it. So to ease your conscience, you started doing some kind of exercise to overcome the desire. But you did it kind of reluctantly, and in the back of your mind you knew that this might just be playing for time, and delaying the point where you give in to the temptation. This is especially true for those wanting to overcome masturbation. So you first have to get your mind clear concerning if and why you really NEED to overcome this temptation, which will motivate your desire body (and maybe your soul or inner child) to really WANT to overcome it. In this case, start with the mental and emotional exercises first. One of the best methods of all is point 9b. below: Making a Vow.
Also, if you are already battling with heavy sexual energies or temptations, then you may already be part way down a slippery slope, and it is a lot more difficult to stop now than at the beginning of the slope, but still very possible. The slope started when you were recently preoccupied with the subject of sex, either by watching a movie, photos, fantasizing about sex etc. That is the time to get off the slope and change your focus and force yourself to keep your attention off of it. If you do so next time you will have a much better success rate.
Gandhi had this to say about a half-hearted effort and non-holistic approach to self discipline:
“As an external aid to brahmacharya (celibacy and self discipline), fasting is as necessary as selection and restriction in diet. So overpowering are the senses that they can be kept under control only when they are completely hedged in on all sides, from above and from beneath. … With some, fasting is of no avail, because assuming that mechanical fasting alone will make them immune, they keep their bodies without food, but feast their minds upon all sorts of delicacies, thinking all the while what they will eat and what they will drink after the fast terminates. Such fasting helps them in controlling neither palate nor lust. Fasting is useful when mind co-operates with starving body, that is to say, when it cultivates a distaste for the objects that are denied to the body. Mind is at the root of all sensuality. Fasting, therefore, has a limited use, for a fasting man may continue to be swayed by passion.” (1)
(For your convenience, each reference number is a hot-link to get you immediately to the reference, plus there’s a hot-link there to get you back to your place.)
1. Get Moving. The best way to transform that potential creative energy (i.e. sexual energy) is to get creative. Start off by getting some fresh air. Go for a walk or a run, breath deeply and consciously pull that energy from your lower abdomen up your spine into your heart and head. Think about your plans and goals, and what you can do with this energy that is waiting to be put to creative use. What about a hobby you haven’t had time for lately, and would love to work or play at? Some ideas from Play Therapy by Michael Joseph: “9. Be spontaneous. Though risky, it opens up a world of exciting possibilities.” “20. Accept limitations. Art and invention come from people who play with limited resources.” (3). See also the poem Give Me The Wind on the Inspirational Poems page.
2. The Sixth Rite. As mentioned on the Physical Exercise page, an interesting book on exercise called the Ancient Secret of the Fountain of Youth by Peter Kelder claims many long-term health benefits by doing 5 special yoga-like exercises or rites practised by Tibetan lamas. This book includes a sixth rite, for use by the celibate. Another book on the same subject is The Five Tibetans by Christopher Kilham. (2)
3. Joy of No Sex by Swami Bhaktipada. There are many exercises, from the physical to the spiritual, in chapters 8 to 10 in this book. They include the following subjects: yoga and proper breathing, acceptance of a spiritual master, study of scripture, rising early, plain living, high thinking, avoiding intoxicants, cultivating good association, cleanliness, proper physical exercise, humility, avoiding rationalizations, enthusiasm, faith in the mantra-prayer, and regulating sex in marriage. He also gives this exercise in Chapter 3:
Reflect on the Body’s True Nature. “One technique to allay sexual agitation is to reflect on the true nature of the material body. The body is a bag of blood, pus, urine, bile, and stool. Some gurus suggest that when we are sexually disturbed, we should think of embracing a dead body. Who lusts after a corpse? The person himself is not even there. We even say: “Oh, he’s gone.” It is not the material body that attracts, but the infinitesimal spiritual spark on life within – that is, the soul. By thinking of the true nature of the body and the soul, we can slowly gain strength to subdue passion. This is the proper use of intelligence. The intelligence must be used to control the mind.” (4)
4. Resurrection of the inner Light. There are some very good exercises to transform unwanted energy in the book Your Seven Energy Centers by Prophet and Spadaro. They write: “There are several techniques that claim to accelerate the raising of the Kundalini. However, unless the base chakra is first balanced and cleared, these practices can be dangerous. For as the energy rises, it can activate the negatives that we are carrying around with us. For this reason, I have found it best to meditate on the upper chakras, from the heart to the crown. When we intensify the light of our upper chakras, they become magnets of light that naturally and safely draw up the energy from the base chakra. An effective way to purify and accelerate all our chakras is to access the high-frequency spiritual energy known as the violet flame through prayer and meditation (see pages 89-95). The meditation and affirmation on the following pages (in next paragraph) can also help balance and clear the base chakra.
“Mantra for the Resurrection of the inner Light.
“Visualization: As you say the following affirmation, see and feel the light within you as a mother-of-pearl softness bathing your body in a gentle, suffusing glow. See the light surround every cell and atom of your body, becoming whiter and whiter. As the cells and atoms accelerate, they begin to spin – releasing the white light to clear and energize your body, mind and emotions. As you recite this affirmation, stand with your arms raised over your head. Imagine that you are directing the energy that is rising up the network of your chakras back to God.
“Mantra: I AM the resurrection and the life of every cell and atom of my being now made manifest!” (5)
5. Visualizing Victory. Working with our subconscious can be a great help in overcoming unwanted habits. This is covered in the section Visualising Victory on the Intellectual Balance page. You can adjust the technique for whatever goal you are working on.
6. Holding on Tight. If you’re lying in bed and feeling tempted with unwanted sexual indulgence like masturbation, your mind will often try to convince you just to scratch or rub around your pelvic area to help alleviate the desire, which might be enough to let you fall asleep. Don’t give into it! As soon as you start physical movement, you start the ball rolling, and it’s sometimes hard to stop it. Rather, make the determination to keep totally still, and put your attention on Spirit (God or your Real Self etc.) Commit to relying totally on it to fulfill all your needs. You can even use Jesus’ affirmation: “I AM (God in me is) the fulfilment of all my needs and requirements of the hour.” Imagine yourself holding tight onto the silver cord that links you to Spirit. (6) Or you can even put your hands on your opposite shoulder, like hugging yourself, if it helps. Breathe deeply and concentrate on drawing that creative energy up your spine to your heart. Be determined to lie perfectly still, at peace, holding on tight to that higher power which is your true nature, until you fall asleep.
7. Devotion to the Feminine Aspect of Being. In esoteric teachings, the physical plane is the feminine polarity of being, and Spirit is the masculine, which is all part of God, who is androgynous. Also, our base-of-the-spine chakra (energy centre) is the feminine polarity of our being, and our crown chakra is the masculine. The (Goddess) Kundalini is the “mother flame” that rises up the spine to nourish all of our chakras. There are many books and practices that can teach you how to raise your Kundalini to attain spiritual powers. But that very motive has an element of ambition and pride. This usually results in the Kundalini being “pushed” up the spine prematurely, and causes more harm than good. (It’s like trying to take heaven by force.) The best and safest way is to “draw” that mother flame up as it is ready to, which is done through devotion to the feminine aspect of being. These are all the virtues and qualities that we have come to love in mothers. This is what is happening in Catholics when they lovingly give the rosary, or to those in the East when they give devotions to Kuan Yin or the feminine aspects of God as Kali, Durga etc. This is not idolatry when you understand and give devotion to the flame of God which is behind the form representation. If you don’t feel comfortable with the Catholic rosary, there is a New Age rosary. You can find more on this on The Summit Lighthouse website at www.summitlighthouse.org under Teachings/Masters/Mother Mary. But if you don’t feel comfortable with any of that, then just feeling love and gratitude for Mother Nature will help. The more you value the sanctity of life, the more likely your energy will rise up your spine and not get diverted into sexual over-indulgence.
8. Yin/Yang Balance (including diet). Too much or two little sexual energy is usually due to an imbalance in our yin/yang energies. These are influenced by many things, including our diet. This is a complex subject, and you can read a bit more on it on the Macrobiotics page, which also has many references for further study. One of those books, Healing Ourselves by Naboru Muramoto, covers Sexual Problems, from impotency to excessive desire (page 132). It makes several interesting points: In men, excess meat (yang) and other high-protein foods cause excessive sexual desire. Eat very yin foods to ease it, like fruit and other sweet foods, tomatoes and eggplant. “But the best remedy of all is to follow a healthy, balanced diet and to chew the food very well. Chewing strengthens the sexual organs since they are connected to the jaw muscles.” He says that black beans are recommended for women with sexual problems. “They will help cure frigidity and irregular menstruation, if prepared correctly.” (Described elsewhere in the book). He also says, “Abortions are a possible source of breast cancer. Even though a woman has had an abortion, the pregnancy process continues. The body started to prepare to produce milk and was stopped abruptly from doing so. This interference can initiate breast cancer which will surface when the woman is forty or fifty. There is no such problem with miscarriage. … for which all parts of the body are prepared.” Heat is also yang, so hot weather or a hot bath or shower will tend to increase sexual drive. To reduce sexual energy, have a cold shower, although this isn’t easy to convince your body to do. But what works well is a short very hot shower. Then, when you can’t wait for the cold water, turn it on, as much as you can handle. It takes your breath away at first, but it’s a great regenerator! It also alkalizes your blood, which is great for general good health. If you do it regularly after a hot shower, to help close your pores, you’ll be able to handle colder and colder water, and will probably start looking forward to it. It’s great!
9a. Strengthening Your Resolve. If you don’t feel totally motivated to overcome excess sexual desire, it’s good to “prime the pump” by reading up on and listing the pros and cons of indulging it. Some of the material referred to on this page will give you a good start, plus the poem Withdrawal Symptoms on the Inspirational Poems page. But don’t put this off until you’re feeling really “hot”, as you probably won’t have the patience to read it. Also contemplate what your goals are in this life, and what it is that your soul really desires to get out of the indulgence (including comfort, as described below.)
9b. Making a Vow. One of the most effective, quickest and cleanest methods is to make a vow to stop the excessive indulgence. Just as Christians give up certain worldly pleasures during Lent, so you can make a vow to whoever you respect most in this life, to permanently give up a bad habit. It’s much easier when indulgence is no longer even an option. Don’t make a vow lightly, but if you’re serious, and you break it later, don’t give up. Forgive yourself, renew your resolve, remake you vow, and move onward and upward!
10. Getting the Comfort You Need. Sometimes the desire for sex is really just the need for comfort, encouragement or feeling worthy. The fact is that we are the only one who can effectively give it, and who is responsible for giving it. We need to be like a loving parent to our soul, which is like a child. No other person or sensual indulgence can really achieve it. It is done best through “inner dialogue”, which is a part of personal psychology work. (There are many references for this at the bottom of the Emotional Balance page.) No matter how often we have sex or get positive feedback from others, if we do not acknowledge our own self-worth, we will always be needy. ( See also the section “The balance between self-worth and humility” on the Spiritual Balance page.)
- Page 103, All Men Are Brothers, Mahatma Gandhi (Continuum, New York, 1987). Back to (1)
- Page 48, Ancient Secret of the Fountain of Youth by Peter Kelder (Doubleday, 1998) and The Five Tibetans: Five Dynamic Exercises for Health, Energy, and Personal Power by Christopher Kilham (Healing Arts Press). Back to (2).
- Play Therapy by Michael Joseph (Elf-help Books by Abbey Press. 1990). Back to (3).
- Page 20, Joy of No Sex by Swami Bhaktipada (Palace Publishing, West Virginia. 1988). Back to (4).
- Your Seven Energy Centers: A Holistic Approach to Physical Emotional and Spiritual Vitality by Elizabeth Clare Prophet and Patricia Spadaro (Copyright © 2000 Summit University Press. All rights reserved.) Back to (5).
- Silver cord: “Or ever the silver cord be loosed, … Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.” (Ecclesiastes 12:6-7) This “crystal cord” is also explained in the teachings on Your Higher Self on the Summit Lighthouse website at www.summitlighthouse.org. Back to (6).